WrestleMania XXX is a mere seven days away and, despite the hopes and desires of millions of fans, CM Punk has not returned to WWE. At this point, it’s not looking like “The Best in the World” will be at the show of shows.
Punk walked out of the company the night after the Royal Rumble, apparently frustrated with the direction of his booking and allegedly turning down a big-money match with Triple H at WrestleMania. Punk’s veteran friends, including Steve Austin and Mick Foley, tried to talk him into returning to the company and filling out the terms of his contract, which was set to expire in July. As the weeks passed, it looked like the March 3 Raw in Punk’s backyard of Chicago would be the perfect place for a homecoming.
It never happened. Paul Heyman cut a promo at the beginning of the show, repeatedly referencing Punk and blaming the fans for his walkout – a sure sign, in the world of wrestling, that the man would appear to exact satisfaction. As the night progressed, fans started dozens of “CM PUNK” chants, but even when Daniel Bryan was being assaulted, Punk was nowhere to be found. Even those fans who thought that a Chicago return was too obvious and that “The Best in the World” would make his return at a later date were forced into silence when Punk was edited out of numerous highlight videos and WrestleMania promos.
No, it’s not looking like CM Punk will be at WrestleMania… but anything can happen in WWE. Here are ten ways that CM Punk could still show up in New Orleans and make the night even more memorable.
#10 Behind The Desk
Wrestlers doing commentary at big events is a time-honored tradition – Owen Hart helped call the action at King of the Ring 1996, while an otherwise-unoccupied “Macho Man” Randy Savage joined the broadcasting team at WrestleMania IX. Even Shawn Michaels, who had walked out of WWE prior to WrestleMania XIII, returned at the event to help call the Sycho Sid-Undertaker main event.
CM Punk is no stranger to the commentary booth – after suffering an injury in late 2010, he spent weeks calling the action with Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. His insights were fresh and entertaining, and he actually brought some much-needed vigor to WWE’s broadcasting scene. Just before the beginning of 2011, though, he would return to active competition, taking a leadership role within the New Nexus.
If Punk were to join Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and JBL as an announcer at WrestleMania XXX, he’d give the entire event a different complexion – undoubtedly for the better. Punk is quick-witted and funny, which would allow him to spar with JBL (and shut down the loquacious Texan when necessary) or banter with Lawler. His intimate knowledge of the modern wrestling industry would make his insights and analysis as valuable as Michael Cole’s.
Just imagine Punk calling the Undertaker-Brock match, accurately describing each man’s assault with the benefit of recent memory – or, “The Best in the World” screaming for his old friend, Daniel Bryan, to overcome the odds in not one, but two matches. Punk taking a broadcasting role at WrestleMania XXX may not be the most bombastic return he could manage, but it would ensure an extra element of quality running through the entire show.
#9 A Hall-Of-Fame Presence
As always, the night before WrestleMania will host the annual Hall of Fame ceremony. It’s a wonderful night where the legends of pro wrestling are honored amongst their own, but this year is particularly special , as Jake “The Snake” Roberts, a man thought by many to be beyond redemption and on borrowed time, has redeemed himself – he’s gotten healthy and clean, and his long-awaited induction into the WWE Hall of Fame has arrived.
Who better to induct Roberts than CM Punk? Both are considered heroes of the “counterculture” of pro wrestling – not Hogans or Cenas, but a whole different kind of superstar. They’ve done things their own way, carved out their own paths in the business, and realized that sports entertainment is as much mental as physical. Also, the influence Roberts has had on Punk is unmistakable, down to the cerebral, cunning promo style “The Best in the World” has always employed.
Punk doesn’t need to come back to WWE full-time if he doesn’t want to – it can just be for a weekend. Seeing the former WWE Champion introduce the trailblazing Roberts as he makes his way into the Hall of Fame – and salute him the following night at WrestleMania – would be a tribute that Jake the Snake deserves. Surely, CM Punk would agree.
#8 One Last Goodbye
Perhaps another way to put it is that CM Punk is unconventional – from his grungy appearance to his stripped-down manner of talking to his high-risk ring style, the man can’t be put in a box. He’s one of a kind, and that’s why it makes sense for him to have a one-of-a-kind farewell. After all he’s done for WWE since his 2006 debut, they could let him take the stage at WrestleMania XXX to say a final goodbye to the fans, the wresters, and the sport.
The fans may suspect an angle or storyline beginning, but it will become patently clear as Punk bears his soul to them that this is it. No frills, nothing fancy, just a man who lived his dream and achieved unbelievable success closing an important chapter in the book of his life. It’s not hard to imagine the usually in-control Punk tearing up, his voice breaking as he stands in a ring for the last time. It’s also not hard to imagine more than 70,000 fans chanting “Thank you, Punk” with tears in their eyes, as well.
We’ve seen careers end at WrestleMania before – both Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair had to leave the ring forever (or for a while, in Flair’s case) as a result of losses they suffered at the show of shows, and Edge’s last major match came at WrestleMania XXVII when an injury forced his retirement. Still, a goodbye speech in front of a stadium packed with wrestling fans from all over the world is unheralded. That’s okay, though – CM Punk’s whole career was about breaking new ground.
#7 Hulk Makes A Match
When Hulk Hogan comes out to kick off the biggest WrestleMania in history, the fans stand up and cheer – especially one fan in particular. As Hogan welcomes the crowd to the Mercedes-Benz Superdome and WrestleMania XXX, “Cult of Personality” hits the loudspeakers. The surprised fans cheer loudly as CM Punk heads out from the back and makes his way down to the ring with a microphone. Hogan, though, is suspicious – what does Punk have planned?
His fears are assuaged when Punk steps between the ropes and gives him a big hug. “The Best in the World” tells Hogan that he was sitting at home, burned out on WWE – but when he saw the Hulkster on Raw, it lit his passion for wrestling once again. He had to come to the Superdome, just so – for one night only – the Hulkster and the Punkster could tear the house down together. Hogan looks at the cheering crowd and tears off his shirt. Punk follows suit, but before they can commence posing, they’re interrupted by the sound of a gavel. It’s Bad News Barrett, whose podium rises up, high into the Louisiana sky.
“You all look like you’re having a jolly good time,” says Barrett. “But I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. You see, Hulk Hogan is so decrepit that he can no longer even compete in the ring he once revolutionized. And as for CM Punk, well… he doesn’t even have a job.”
Such an insult won’t go unpunished, of course. Punk manages to goad Barrett into the ring, promising him a shot at a WrestleMania moment. Bad News seems hesitant, but Punk sweetens the pot by telling Barrett he could be the man to banish Punk and Hogan from WWE forever. Barrett finally attacks Punk, but “The Best in the World” fights back, nailing a big kick, a flying elbow, and a GTS for the quick win. Barrett rolls out of the ring and, finally, the Punkster and the Hulkster can have the pose-off New Orleans has been craving.
#6 Down The Middle
On the March 31 episode of Monday Night Raw, Triple H is quite proud of himself – he’s managed to make Daniel Bryan’s life a living hell and he’s quite confident of victory over the popular superstar at WrestleMania. Plus, just for an added advantage heading into the show of shows, HHH has booked quite the Raw main event – a handicap match, pitting Bryan against both Orton and Batista.
Bryan does his best in the match, and Orton and Batista do have trouble getting along, but in the end, it’s two on one – Batista nails Bryan with the Batista Bomb, then Orton lifts him up and drives him into the canvas with the RKO to get the pin. The two former members of Evolution eye each other suspiciously, then turn and leave. Bryan stumbles to his feet, disoriented, just in time for Triple H’s music to hit. The COO comes to the ring, clearly looking for a fight. Before he reaches the ring, though, a familiar voice plays over the P.A. system.
“Hey, Hunter… Hunter!”
Triple H stops in his tracks, shudders, and turns around. The fans begin to cheer, and their cheers turn to riotous glee when CM Punk steps out onto the stage, clad in a sweatshirt and shorts.
“I know everybody always says this, but damn, it really is good to be back. But on to business, Hunter… seriously? You used to be THHHHEEE GAMMMEEE, and now you’re afraid of a fair fight? See, I know what you’re capable of better than anybody – and as good as my buddy Daniel is, it’s hard to win against a guy who’s making up the rules as he goes along. So… I went to the WWE Board of Directors and suggested a special referee for your match at WrestleMania. I made a suggestion, and they listened…”
Punk takes off his sweatshirt, and underneath he’s wearing his white “Best in the World” t-shirt – with black vertical lines spray-painted down it! Triple H fumes as the fans chant “Yes! Yes! Yes!” At WrestleMania, Daniel Bryan’s got a fighting chance.
#5 Best In The Battle Royal
Twenty-nine men are in the ring waiting for the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal to begin, and they constitute a who’s who of WWE’s best – former champions like The Big Show, Sheamus, Alberto Del Rio, Rey Mysterio, Christian, and Dolph Ziggler are present, as well as future stars like Cody Rhodes, Damien Sandow, Big E, and Kofi Kingston. The trained eye, though, will realize that there’s still one spot left in the ring. For those who don’t, Lillian Garcia spells it out.
“And please welcome the final entrant in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal… CM Punk!”
It’s a triumphant return for Punk, who slides in the ring and immediately starts beating up whomever he can get his hands on. The carnage gets underway, and Punk is on fire – in the first ninety seconds, he single-handedly eliminates Fandango and all of 3MB. He follows up by tossing out Goldust and Titus O’Neal, and before long, we’re down to our final four: Punk, Sheamus, Big Show, and Alberto Del Rio.
The four go at, but Del Rio eliminates Sheamus after a low blow while Punk low-bridges a charging Big Show, sending him over the top. Del Rio attacks Punk, working him over with kicks and backing him into the corner. Del Rio attempts his springboard enzuigiri, but Punk ducks, sending the Mexican aristocrat tumbling to the canvas. CM Punk yanks him up, nails him with the GTS, then tosses him over the top rope to claim the victory, the trophy, and some big momentum in his WWE return.
#4 We’re Taking Over
Once upon a time, a Monday Nitro match between Mike Enos and Steve Doll was interrupted by a run-in from Scott Hall – the former Razor Ramon had made his debut in WCW, making sly reference to his former place of employment and letting the entire company know that war was brewing. It was clear to all the fans watching that this man on WCW TV was an outsider.
At WrestleMania XXX, Punk could cause waves with a similar disturbance. Picture it – a bonus match is added to the card, featuring Los Matadores versus the 3MB. Before it can officially start, though (and before 70,000-plus fans can crowd the restrooms and concession stands), CM Punk runs through the audience, a kendo stick in his hand. The subdued crowd comes alive as Punk slides into the ring and begins caning the superstars about to compete – and taking particular pleasure in dealing out pain to El Torito.
When the ring is cleared, Punk grabs a microphone and sits down, cross-legged, in its center.
“Hello,” Punk says, beginning to drop another “Pipe Bomb,” “My name is Phil Brooks.” He laments how the change he affected in WWE was only temporary – try as he might, he couldn’t stave off the machine regaining control and returning things to status quo. He blames the fans for allowing this corrosion of conformity to return, telling them that they had the ultimate power to fulfill his dream. Instead, they’ve sealed their own fate. Punk promises that “they” – the management, the wrestlers, the fans – have all had their day, and now “we” are going to put WWE out of its – and Punk’s – misery. Punk lies down in the ring and begins to cackle maniacally until a host of security guards – tailed by an irate Vince McMahon – drags him out.
#3 Unfinished Business
The Undertaker and Brock Lesnar are going toe-to-toe in one of the most physical contests in the Deadman’s WrestleMania career. Yes, he’s been down before, but he’s never faced a tank like Brock – a man who can absorb everything ‘Taker dishes out, then fire back with several good shots of his own. Still, Undertaker doesn’t fold; he stays in the fight and keeps alert – and when Brock mounts him in the corner to deliver punches, Undertaker seizes the opportunity and hits a Last Ride powerbomb. ‘Taker follows up with the cover… but Paul Heyman pulls the referee out of the ring and slugs him before he can register the three.
A furious Undertaker shoots Heyman a look that terrifies the portly manager, then leaves the ring and gives chase. Heyman circles the ring and slides in on the other side, but when Undertaker follows him back in, Brock levels him with a clothesline. Heyman regains his bearings, then rolls out of the ring. He slides a chair to his charge, who wallops Undertaker across the back with it. Heyman re-enters the ring and shouts at Undertaker as Brock sets him up for the F5. Before he can deliver the move, though, the opening bars of “Cult of Personality” blare over the loudspeaker! Heyman and Lesnar both stare in disbelief as “The Best in the World” sprints down the aisle, chair in hand!
Punk enters the ring and jams the chair into the ribs of Lesnar, who drops Undertaker. He then slams the chair over Brock’s back, bending the steel. With the beast subdued, Punk turns his attention to the sniveling, sobbing Paul Heyman. He flashes a shark-like smile at Heyman, then hoists him on his shoulders and nails him with the GTS. Punk steps out of the ring as Undertaker sits up, the crowd delighted. Undertaker catches a stumbling Lesnar and Tombstones him into the mat. Punk rouses the referee and tosses him back in the ring, allowing him to make the three count. Not only does the streak live, but it claims another soul.
#2 Congratulating The New Champ…
Daniel Bryan is outmatched and exhausted heading into the Triple Threat match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship; he’s already accomplished the seemingly-impossible task of defeating Triple H, and now he has to contend with two of the most accomplished superstars of the past decade. Randy Orton and Batista aren’t going to take it easy on Bryan, either – each man amuses himself by torturing the smallest, most vulnerable competitor in the match.
Somehow, someway, Daniel Bryan pulls off the impossible. Maybe it’s luck, or maybe it’s because being the best in the business means being able to take advantage of any opportunity, but when Batista is incapacitated, Bryan nails Orton with a Running Knee Strike. He covers, and gets the pin. The crowd goes nuts and balloons fall from the ceiling.
Bryan is presented with both title belts, but before he can hold them up, Batista jumps him from behind. When Orton recovers, he joins in on the assault. The crowd boos loudly as their happy ending turns into a beating. Suddenly, CM Punk runs down the aisle as the crowd shrieks in ecstasy! He helps Bryan fend off his attackers – Punk nails Orton with the GTS while this time, Batista takes the Running Knee. The villains are vanquished and, in a tribute to both WrestleMania VIII and WrestleMania XX, the good guys stand tall. CM Punk gives Daniel Bryan his seal of approval as the new “Best in the World” as he holds Bryan’s hand high…
#1 …And Putting Him To Sleep
…then hoists him on his shoulders and gives the new champion a GTS of his own! The crowd goes silent; their elation has turned to confusion and horror. Punk stares down at Bryan hatefully, then pulls him to his feet and drills him with another GTS. The fans start making noise again, only this time, they’re booing vociferously.
The booing gets even louder when WWE COO Triple H walks out onto the stage. Though he’s got a black eye from a Running Knee Strike earlier in the night, his smile goes from ear to ear. He claps as he makes his way to the ring, and when he finally steps between the ropes, he and CM Punk embrace enthusiastically. The crowd begins to chant “Bulls**t!” as a smiling Punk yells unintelligible oaths at them – and Bryan. He picks up the WWE World Heavyweight Champion one more time and delivers a third GTS.
Triple H sits on the middle rope and lifts the top one, proudly making a path for the new face of the WWE (as if to hammer home that point, HHH gestures to his own face, then to Punk’s). Punk starts to leave, but then heads back in the ring. He grabs both of the title belts that comprise the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and lays them over Bryan’s fallen form in an “X” form as WrestleMania XXX goes off the air. Yes, the age of Bryan has begun – but so has one of the most hate-filled feuds WWE will ever see.
